- Wed, 5 August 2026
Have you ever received feedback that immediately triggered a reaction? Or had your carefully planned day disrupted by something unexpected? Perhaps you opened an email that changed your mood before you had even finished reading it, or someone asked you to take on one more task when your capacity had already been reached.
How often do we react in those moments, only to look back later and think, I wish I had handled that differently.
This article has been sitting in my drafts for some time. Completing the Mental Health First Aid training and having an exchange with psychologist and fantastic MHFA Instructor Anne Archer encouraged me to return to it. It reminded me also how easily our own wellbeing can move into the background while we focus on supporting the wellbeing and development of others.
One of the many things reflective practice has taught me is the value of pausing. Long enough to notice what is happening around us AND within us and also long enough to recognise how those two are influencing each other before deciding what comes next.
Viktor Frankl expressed this beautifully:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
I often return to this quote when I think about everyday interactions.
For those of us who support others, that space matters even more. The way we respond does not affect only us. It shapes conversations, relationships, decisions and often the experience of the people in front of us.
The pace of our work and lives, unexpected changes, competing priorities and the expectations we place on ourselves can easily pull us onto autopilot. We move from one meeting to the next while still thinking about the previous conversation. We hear only part of the feedback because we are already preparing our response. We say yes before checking whether it is really what we want or have the capacity for. And often we are guided by our assumptions. Afterwards we realise there may have been another way.
Whether I am coaching a leader or supervising a coach, I notice a similar pattern. People rarely ask how to pause before responding. Instead, they bring conversations they wish had gone differently, emails they wish they had left in Drafts for a little longer or situations where they recognised, afterwards, that another response or intervention was possible.
Reflective practice gives us an opportunity to slow down just enough to become curious about our own experience.
To ask ourselves:
Although we cannot choose every situation we encounter, we can become more aware of the choices available to us before taking the next step.
There are many ways to create that pause. Here are three simple techniques that I have found practical because they can be used almost anywhere.
One of the best-known techniques is box breathing.
Breathe in for four counts.
Hold for four.
Breathe out for four.
Hold again for four.
Repeating this cycle for a minute or two often creates enough space to settle before responding.
Hold a small object in your hand and gently squeeze it for a few seconds before releasing it. Repeat this several times. The movement can help move your attention away from the stressful situation and back to the present moment.
Look around and name five things you can see.
Or five sounds you can hear.
Or five things you can touch.
Bringing our attention back to the present moment often makes it easier to reconnect with what is happening instead of becoming carried away by our thoughts.
Additionally for me there are some visual methods – pictures on the board in front of my computer with dear messages, and drawings of rainbows and mermaids my daughter created.
And a song which may make me feel better. And there is always that feeling of walking barefoot and connection to the ground or wherever possible putting feet in the river.
As coaches and leaders, we spend a great deal of time developing our listening, our questions and our ability to support others. Developing the habit of pausing deserves just as much attention. A single breath, one reflective question or a few seconds of awareness can be enough to help us respond in a way that is more aligned with our values, our intentions and the kind of leader, coach or colleague we want to be.
Sign up our newsletter to get update information, news and free insight.
